Big Gay Closet

“I have these beautiful children and this extraordinary family and to think in any way shape or form that that’s wrong or that there’s shame in that or that there’s something to hide actually turns my stomach.”

“What would [my daughter] think if I said, ‘Oh honey, you can’t come with me to work because they don’t know I have an adopted daughter and they don’t know that I’m gay.’ My children and our family, I’ve really never been as proud of anything in my life. I couldn’t be happier at this point in my life, and I feel like we’ve created this pretty extraordinary family.”

via ‘Firefly,’ ‘Playboy Club’ actor Sean Maher reveals he’s gay | Inside TV | EW.com.

I love this story. I hope that this is a template for the coming out stories of the future.

A bit of back story for new readers: My oldest brother came out when I was about 11yrs old. I didn’t understand fully what that meant, but I knew there was drama of sorts… my parents were having hushed conversations that were punctuated with “DeadRobot, go to your room.” Later, when I was 16, my father came out of the closet for fear of meeting up with Dan in a gay bar on one of his many business trips to Toronto. Of course the family was shocked, the town of Brockvegas was scandalized, Dad lived a quiet life of a shattered bachelor for all of 10 minutes and then took up with his lover for 14 years. Family came to accept him (including Mom, to a certain degree) and we were happy chucks all again. Okay?

There’s your 8 years or so of drama packed into 125 words or less.

Skip ahead to my 17th birthday. The year I decided that if I was to live my life honestly, I had to tell the people I loved that I was a ‘mo. I decide that I have to make a trip back to Brockvegas to tell friends and family in one fast trip. Get in, drop the bomb, get out, let them decide where their loyalties lie.

Read the rest: Coming Out: To My Mom « Dead Robot.

I’m a straight male. Very straight. I love women.

I also totally support gay rights – with all my heart. I can’t STAND bigotry and it really pisses me off that you don’t have equal rights.

I’m straight but if I have a son or daughter that’s gay I’ll be damned if they don’t have the same rights that I do….

My family however, is fairly homophobic.

They live on the east coast. I live in SF.

I’ve never let them say anything discriminatory in front of me without it being challenged and flat out calling them hateful bigots.

Anyway. Last week I flew back to spend some time with them… They’re my family after all and before this our relationship was good… I see them like 1x a year.

We’re having dinner and somehow the conversation turns to Obama and “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”.

Long story short, my brother in-law says that “fags shouldn’t be able to serve in the military” … and I lose it.

I stand up and say that it’s not right to discriminate against ANYONE regardless of sexuality, race, or religion.

… then it dawns on me… they don’t know that I’m NOT gay.

So I just come out of the closet.

I live in SF… I’m 35… I’m fit, fashionable, metrosexual even. I’ve NEVER been married. I’ve never even brought a girl home to meet Mom…

(though for the record I have plenty of girlfriends, ha).

They think I’m bluffing but once I stick to my guns (and they can see that I’m visually upset) it dawns on them that I’m homosexual.

My dad goes silent and just leaves the table. My sister calls me a jerk for coming out …my brother in law is pissed. My mother is crying.

At this point I decide I’m not going back. I’m going to be gay as far as they’re concerned for the rest of my life.

It was pretty heated… I left shortly after. My calls to the house aren’t answered. My sister says she’s ok with it but that I shouldn’t have come out of the closet….

In a way it hurts because I had a good relationship with my mother and father before this – however, I feel strongly that if they don’t love me regardless of my sexuality, then I don’t want them in my life.

So here I am…. one of you . I’m ostracized from my family. I’m out of the closet and kicked in the teeth.

This is harder than I thought.

by heterogay on Reddit

This is interesting! I mean, wow, who among us would voluntarily put ourselves in that situation? Part of me wants to say, “awesome” but part of me wonders why you’d do that to yourself and your family. His last sentence, of course, explains it all —

This is harder than I thought.

There is a comment that I quite like:

I really do feel like you’re a good person, and you were acting out of a sense of justice. In a way, it’s touching that you’d defend us to that extent to your parents. Thanks for that. But please don’t compare your gesture to actually coming out. Don’t even call it that, you know nothing about it. It’s cultural tourism, nothing more.

from kryptondog on Reddit

Sure-fire way to get her attention

I officially came out when I was 16 years of age. Mom took it quite hard at first despite the fact that she has 3 sisters that are lesbians. Anyhow, I entered college at 16 and found myself…so I thought. Raves don’t contribute to self –discovery. Who knew?

A month later my lesbian aunts treated me to the Denver Pride Fest. Colorado was my home state at that time. Still is actually! I was not and still refrain from drinking, although I had moments in my early twenties, so I celebrated being out with my aunts.

They made me cover my eyes when they looked at those oh-so-fun-toys. Little did they know I had one hiding in my room. Hooyah! Naturally, I knew what they were looking at. Something about the “wahr….wahr” noise of “hmm.mm.” toys rotating in circles.

After the Pride Parade/Festival, my aunts took me to their local hot spot. I was grooving to any and all tunes, flirting with women though I ‘m not sure I knew what I was doing…

I was engaged in lesbian fun so when my aunt asked if I wanted something to eat of course, I said, “NO!”

Moments later, I gained consciousness. Yep, I had my first seizure. Those damn lesbians had me mesmerized!! When I came to, approximately 20 lesbians were surrounding me. Thus, I learned how to gain the attention of many gorgeous women!

That is my lesson- how to win a woman- but my aunts consider it as the moment they “broke” me! Quite a day…sorry, I was momentarily dreaming about all those gals!!

I didn’t come out to my family until my thirties.

I’d moved to LA and there was so much they didn’t know about me.

I wrote them a letter, saying: “This is what I am, let me know how you feel.”

They were wonderful about it. It made me wish I hadn’t worried about it for so long.

via Glee’s Jane Lynch had lesbian affair with teacher – from Pink News

It’s very difficult to explain the sort of grief I felt when my mother called to tell me.  He was my cousin’s best friend, whom I hadn’t seen in years.  But I can still vividly remember fighting with him about who exactly would be playing the Little Mermaid in our games in kindergarten.

He never really came out to the community at large, but then again, neither have I.  Most people know about me, just as they knew about him, but if it’s never said, it’s easy to pretend that it’s not real.  But I know that he struggled with his sexuality, with his parents’ spirituality, and while I cannot and will not say that is why he struggled with drugs, I can say that I understand trying to escape to cope.

His boyfriend found him, and I’m told that they were happy, that he was trying to turn things around.  Some years ago, it was a scandal when someone who went to school with my mother brought his partner to his father’s funeral.  I hope there is no scandal here, that his boyfriend will be welcomed to grieve as any other family member, any friend would.

I always knew I was gay, even at a young age, and started to date and sleep with guys when I was still young too. It was a good time for me but where I grew up in a small community in the late 80s and early 90s it was hard to come out so you dealt with it yourself. In my community there were very few gay people and they were all closeted married men so who could you tell?

I talked to my sister and brother about it since they were in my age group and got mixed opinions on it. So I decided at the age or 17 almost 18 I had to come out.

Everyone in my community and school always said I was but I would never say to them I was. In my last year I decided to tell my friends and family.

So over Christmas dinner when we were all sitting around the table I decided to just say it when my mom was passing the food. It went something like this:

Pass the potatoes please

now the turkey and

yay! by the way I’m gay.

The place went quiet and all I remember is my parents saying ” We already knew and it was about time you told us”.

For a strict catholic family it was not a big thing. My parents, family and most my community still see me as this kind guy that everyone loves.

Even my 75 year old parish catholic priest said to me,”If that is all you have to go through in life you will be truly blessed and never let anyone tell you otherwise. In the eyes of God we are all his children.”

Those words have stuck in my mind to this day and I never let anyone ever put me down or hurt me. I treat everyone as equal and respect those that show me the respect I deserve.

I mistakenly thought that even if it wouldn’t be easy, it at least wouldn’t be that big a deal to date a man again – but the invisibility is back. As my boyfriend and I walk up to see a movie, I give the butch-femme couple in front of us the smile of shared community. They glare at me with “we-don’t-need-your-patronizing-smile-of-acceptance-straight-girl” faces, and a part of me goes cold. I know that smile – I would give it to people as I walked next to my butch, waiting for a gawk at her presentation from the straights around us so that I could glare back. I loved the feeling of community when I smiled at other obviously queer couples.

I went home this weekend with my new boyfriend. My mother’s joy hurt. My ex had nursed my mother through multiple painful events, mowed the lawn when she couldn’t, gotten drunk with her, but all of this was wiped away by bringing a man home. And she should love him too – he is amazing and wonderful and smart. But she should love him for him, not for his gender.

via Holding My Boyfriend’s Hand: On Becoming Invisible Again – Feministing.

I saw this story and it reminded me of OttoKitty’s exceptionally popular post from earlier this week. And since you all enjoyed her post so much, I thought you’d enjoy this one too.

I’ve never done the bar thing. I’m not a drinker and I’m also not into sex just for the sake of sex.

I want to date someone, get to know them first and then have sex. But I have done the sex on the first date thing, didn’t ever work out for me though, as far as finding someone long term.

I have also found and dated someone that I met on the phone sex line. Long distance dating. I spent a delightful weekend on the River Walk in San Antonio a couple of years ago with someone I met on the phone and at the time it seemed as though we might have a future, as soon as his kids graduated from high school and my dad died and he moved to Texas from Arizona. But not long after San Antonio he quit returning my calls regularly and eventually said ‘it’ wouldn’t work. And right now I’m not looking. In the past I’ve resigned myself to being alone and making the best of it, then been caught up in the possibilities of loving and living with someone, and then back to making the best of it again.

In real life I want a brain and feelings and romance too. I want to walk hand in hand and look at the stars,
talk politics and religion, disagree and make up, not wait at home for my muscle stud to finish at the gym
where he spends all his free time.

from Coming Out of the Closet – Reviews by Jessewave

Just an excerpt from one of the many “coming out” stories (that one written by a man who isn’t actually out) written by men for the blog “Reviews by Jessewave”. They’re all well worth a read.

I’m still coming out to people as I come across them. I’m no veteran lesbian. It seems like there is no end to coming out. There is always someone who isn’t on the up and up- kind of like my grandmother. Bless her heart, I still haven’t told her. She lives in Nebraska where I was born and partially raised. Maybe its because the only nugget of wisdom she ever gave me (and repeatedly) was “Marry a rich man.” She is always telling me that my grandfather is the worried one, because “Lonely girls, get in trouble.” I’ll tell them, probably some day soon… If only I could slip a message into her fortune cookie: “Your only granddaughter is a lesbian.”

via every girl ought to come this way!.