Archive for the ‘career’ tag
What we gave up to be queer
When you came out, did you lose or give up anything?
Before I realised I was gay, I was planning to study to be a Christian minister. I loved everything about it. I loved reading the Bible and gleaning understanding from its stories. I loved weaving them into a lesson that I could share at the pulpit. I loved talking to people, and helping them. I loved the music, the joy, the community. And while I enjoyed teaching Sunday School, I more enjoyed leading worship.
I had faced some resistance because of being female, but because the denomination officially allowed women to enter the ministry, they had no choice but to allow me to try.
I remember approaching my unofficial mentor at the time and telling him, knowing very well where he stood on homosexuality, and that his stance was broadly representative of the denomination as a whole. I was so anxious about this meeting, I booked a counselling appointment for immediately afterwards.
I was surprised by his pragmatism.
He said, “Someone is going to have to fight that fight.”
And I, in a moment of uncharacteristic self-knowledge, replied, “It’s not going to be me.”
It wasn’t a fight for someone fresh out of the closet.
I had to go away and have my proverbial wilderness years.
While leaving that vocation was definitely right, it hurt like hell at the time. Perhaps if I’d been a more driven person I would have kept at it, or kept my sexual orientation a secret — or even sought help at the “sexual healing seminars” I’d sometimes heard about.
Did you face any choices like that?
