Big Gay Closet

Robert Winn met his wife, Christine, in college. He was a fraternity boy. She was a sorority girl. Early in their relationship, he made a confession, a thorny secret he camouflaged from his closest family and friends.

The truth sputtered out awkwardly.

Sensing his nervousness, she speculated he would announce he was sick — or perhaps dying?

He told her he was bisexual.

via The last person out of the closet? The bisexual male – CNN.com.

The funny thing about telling the world that you enjoy having sex with or are attracted to members of both sexes is that it is kind of like announcing to a room full of Americans that you are Canadian. Just like Canadians are basically Americans with a few subtle differences (healthcare, politeness, love of hockey) bisexuals are basically just straight people who like to get a little funky. Just look at Paquin and Mullally who are both in monogamous relationships with men. Sure, they might think about a little lady love every once in awhile, but they’re basically in the same relationship as every other breeder on the planet.

via Where Are All the Bisexual Men?.

It’s a relevant question, what with all the ladies leaping out of the closet. While the blogger’s language is disasterous, it’s interesting to point out that almost all the outings have been women.

We touched on this before too, about why it’s been easier for famous lesbians to come out than for gay men. I presume the answer for bisexuals is in the same neighbourhood.

Singer/songwriter Vanessa Carlton came out as bisexual while headlining Nashville Pride today.

She told the audience:

I’ve never said this before, but I am a proud bisexual woman.

AfterEllen.com reader Maggie tipped us off that Vanessa noted “the lyrics to ‘Ordinary Day’ could be about a boy, girl, tranny whatever!” She also changed the pronoun usage frequently throughout her set.

This news was confirmed by several other Tweets of fans in attendance.

read more at Vanessa Carlton comes out as bisexual | AfterEllen.com.

Sexuality and love can be different things. I can be attracted to a woman sexually, but it doesn’t mean I want to be in love with a woman. If I’m going to be with a woman sexually, it doesn’t mean I’m a lesbian.
Cameron Diaz in Playboy

Let’s skip over the fact that she ignores the possibility of being bisexual in her reasoning and think about whether it’s desire or emotion that makes us queer.

A while back, OttoKitty talked about coming out as bisexual and noted that,

To be perfectly, brutally honest – I might have a lot of fun with a straight man for a few weeks.  But odds are he’s going to be too steeped in gender crap to put up with for longer than that.

In her case, bisexual men or enlightened straight men are still an option, and she mentions her less promising crushes on gay men too.

But does desire alone dictate our sexual identity? Is it enough that I have been attracted to both men and women to say that I am bisexual? Or must there be the possibility of love with the object of my desire for it to count?

Obviously we use the terms “homosexual”, “bisexual” and “sexual orientation”. Sexual desire does seem to get the emphasis in our terminology, but is it the sex that matters, or the feelings?

I’m not someone who endlessly talks about her personal life for no reason, but obviously, as someone who identifies as bisexual, those are issues I really care about — and frankly, I don’t see why everyone doesn’t care about them.

[...]

It wasn’t like it was a big secret. It was just a cause I cared about and privately supported, but not one that I had ever had an opportunity to speak out about in a way that would be useful. Obviously I know that one person’s voice doesn’t necessarily do that much, but I just wanted to do my bit.

from Zap2It

A bisexual blogger on EurOut.org asks some big questions about coming out:

The question is: where is the line between being out and not always proclaiming you’re gay? Do you have to go around telling everyone you meet? Or, in the case of this girl I have some courses with this year, but probably won’t next year, do I just leave it? The academic year is almost over. Do I need her to know?

I would say while the classmate may not need to know, but it does some good to tell people. Unless you think there’s a specific reason that person would respond negatively, coming out when it happens organically is all kinds of good for you and for your friendships.

What would you guys say?

At an awards ceremony in December 2007, Jodie Foster thanked “her beautiful Cydney” referring to Cydney Bernard, a film producer she met on the set of Sommersby in 1992. It had long been suspected that the two were a couple, although Foster herself has never confirmed that further than this particular acceptance speech. Nor has she ever said that she considers herself to be lesbian, bisexual, or queer.

It is also believed the two have split since.

Does this really count as coming out? Or, is this what coming out really should be — the non-chalant mention of your beloved, without the fanfare or interview in The Advocate?

Is Jodie Foster an early post-gay?