Author Archive
Defying the gender border patrol: coming out as bisexual all over again
I came out as bi when I was 19, and came out again as lesbian when I was 21. At the time, all my new gay friends laughed and said, yeah, everyone comes out as bi at first. Oh, it was just a phase then. Whew!
I came out as a lesbian when I got together with my (now ex) partner. I didn’t anticipate dating anyone ever again, so that made it easy to ignore. My partner repeatedly told me what a disappointment it was that I’d slept with a man before we got together, and she and most of the broader lesbian community in my college town in the late 1980s made it pretty clear that was a major faux pas. I was on probation, and I was determined to prove what a good lesbian I was.
I was so determined that the whole bi thing actually slipped my mind for more than a decade.
Then I met a man who I really fancied. I mean I really fancied. Even I had to cop to this.
Duh.
I spent ages preparing to come out to my teenaged little sister. I brought her over to my apartment, calmly explained that my ‘roommate’ was actually my partner and that I was gay. I braced myself for her reaction and will never forget her exact words.
“Duh. I’m not a moron. I’ve known that for years.”
Riiiight. Did she have any questions?
Big teenage sigh.
“Oh like you’re the only gay person I know. Anyway, so at the school the other day blah blah blah.”
Even being queer didn’t make me interesting. I was still her boring older sister.
OttoKitty still is the boring (gay) sister.
The only boy I like…
...is the dog
I think my mother first became suspicious when I came home from kindergarten and announced that my teacher was the prettiest woman on earth.
“She’s more beautiful than you mommy!” I beamed, setting the mother-daughter relationship on a lifelong downward spiral.
She nearly had a nervous breakdown when a year or two later I announced I would not marry a man when I grew up.
“You have to!” she insisted.
If she wasn’t already convinced she was raising a dyke, my reply should have clarified.
“FINE. I’ll marry the dog! He’s the only boy I like!”
After I came out to her, she denied any memory of those conversations.
OttoKitty is an American woman who likes women and has for a very long time. She also likes dogs but in a totally different way, I swear.
